Lovely in her bones.

tomyfuturespouse:

 I’m learning how to cook just for you.

 So far, I’ve mastered the grilled cheese.

(Source: godstr0ng)

So, here’s an update on my life…

Today was my 23rd birthday. I think this one was certainly meant to be a learning experience. That is the only explanation that comes to my head. I think that through this birthday, God was trying to teach me a thing or two about myself. It was a birthday of true blue self discovery. That is what I think. Nothing went quite as I imagined it. Don’t get me wrong, my family tried their best. My little sister made her famous cookie cake and mom and dad invited some church people over for a cook out (half of which didn’t even know it was for my birthday). Mom got me a tape ipod connecty thingy for my car since my old one went out. I guess I just expected more. It wasn’t really anything like my birthdays in the past. Is this how it goes as you get older? It becomes less about the presents and the extravagence of the party and more about spending time with family? I mean, I love my family but if you know anything about mine, you know we spend a lot of time together as it is. I know I should be more thankful since I have people around me who love me. Maybe I’m just spoiled, I don’t know. I do know that my love language is gifts, giving them and receiving them, that is. I did notreallyreceive any this year. It kind of made me sad a little bit. I know I am loved. Needless to say, God has been showing me a thing or two. Like, for example, how selfish I can be sitting here worrying about my birthday and how not-particularly-special I feel when there are people all around the world in much worse scenarios than mine. I guess I will learn more about this when I go to the Dominican this summer. I know God is going to stretch me and teach me. Hopefully going there will give me some real life perspective. I don’t want to be petty. Sometimes, today in particular, that is how I feel.

Back to the birthday thing though. It’s crazy to me how so often I dream about these really awesome and cool things happening to me in real life. Today for example, (the cookout and all that happened yesterday because I had work until 6 today for Memorial Day) I dreampt as I was driving home that my parents and friends were going to be at my house when I got back from work and yell, “SUPRISE!” when I walked through the door. Then I flashed back to reality. I don’t know what’s up with me. I think that maybe sometimes my expectations of people are too high. This kind of thing has happened to me on more than one occassion. I so desperately wanted to be genuinely surprised this birthday. I guess it’s just the thought of someone caring deeply enough to want to go to the effort of doing something like that for me that right now, my heart longs for. I don’t know. Is it wrong for me to want someone to care about me the way that I feel I put into caring about others? I mean, when it’s their birthday or even just in general, I want to make them feel special. I probably sound pathetic. I don’t care though. I mean, what is cyberspace for if not to be a release for your feelings? ha. I’m going to leave now before this all gets out of hand.

In closing, I had an alright birthday. I know I’ve got some perspective to attain and some lessons to learn though. Reality is, I am far more blessed than I perceive. I am in Christ!

That is all.

I am about to do something very soon that takes amounts of courage I don’t think I have ever mustered up before. I hope things turn out well. Whatever happens, I know that I am in the Lord’s hands and he has my heart.

On another note (sort of), I am very excited about all that is on the horizon. Thank you Jesus.

Hopefully sometime soon I will be able to actually get on here and update you kids on all that I am talking about.

Until then, stay classy.